I'm not too very proud of myself but I think anger won out, or maybe it was the rejection of his not taking my calls...who knows.

Anyway, last night I couldn't sleep so I gathered up all of his things he had here- clothes, grooming items, books, music- along with pictures of us and was going to burn it all up. I got the fire going and everything then couldn't put it in there. Then came the huge flood of emotions that have been non-stop lately.

Finally I grabbed a box and put everything in it along with a big f*ck off letter. In the letter I told him how sh*tty I thought he was for having two different lives going on for so long.That it would have been one thing if he had just had a fling but was quite another to be engaged to another woman while being oh so very married.

I vented a good bit more than that as well. About what a louse he was to his wife and kids to have been with me at times that should have been for his family in the first place. Just on and on about the phone calls, visits, vacations, gifts, sex............ Then sent it all off to his house this morning.

Now of course I am having second thoughts about all that being the right thing to have done... I keep telling myself I hope she doesn't open it and that it WAS addressed to him so if she does it's on her. Deep down I know this to not be EXACTLY true. If I had HONESTLY not wanted to cause trouble I could have sent it to his work. But then on the other hand there were some pictures that I COULD have sent that would have given her a divorce on the spot, but I kept them.

I guess deep down I couldn't be the better person and let it all go. I am a little disappointed in myself for not taking the high road but damn it it was just eating away at me that he was going to get to move on without any changes. That he could just replace me and keep going. I hate being reminded that I'm replaceable.

I guess I'll go file my 'claws' back down now. Thanks for all your help.